Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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