She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
