I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
