i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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