just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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