Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
