Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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