I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
