butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
