I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
