obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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