When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
