My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize