I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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