I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
