Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?

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(440): View more from Ohio

oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

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(719): View more from Colorado

just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?

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(864): View more from South Carolina

So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"

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(818): View more from California

Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

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(954): View more from Florida

It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school

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(501): View more from Arkansas

You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one

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