You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
