He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
