no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
