I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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