My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
