umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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