Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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