I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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