1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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