I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
