You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize