I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
