Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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