remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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