just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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