i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
