just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
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Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
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