dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
