you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
