Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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