I've blown a few things in my day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
