My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is the high leading the old right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
