So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
