Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
