wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
