There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
