Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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