i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
