I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize