We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
