Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
