Your face is a jimmy john
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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