i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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