at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
