"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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