We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
