Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
