I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
