benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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