hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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