he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
