Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
