they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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