I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
