There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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