i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
