Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
