Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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