You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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