I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
