What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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