he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
